Are You Listening . . . REALLY Listening?

20 Qualities of Good Listeners

Originally posted by Gavin Ortland on his blog - Reflections on God (February 15, 2009)

I have been reflecting lately on how important - and how difficult - it is to listen. I am coming to understand how much conflict and misunderstanding is related to a failure to listen well, and I want to become a better listener.

I've been blessed to know many people who were good listeners. What makes them good listeners? Some observations:

1) Good listeners consider a person's statements in relation to their presuppositions (as much as possible). They are willing to ask the question "how does this make sense to them?" and genuinely seek an answer to that question in evaluating another person's opinion.

2) Good listeners are not hasty in making judgments. They are willing to think about something for a while. They don't have to categorize everyone and everything immediately. "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19).

3) Good listeners pay careful attention to words. They don't assume that an idea they are hearing is identical to an idea they are already familiar with simply because it has similarities. They respect the complexity of reality and are willing to make fine distinctions and treat each person, each statement, each idea on its own terms.

4) Good listeners ask questions. Not to embarrass or attack, but to clarify and distill.

5) Good listeners are not lazy. They work hard to understand. They exert energy in listening. For example, other people can usually tell that they are listening from their body posture and nonverbal communication.

6) Good listeners don't feel threatened by not controlling the conversation. They are comfortable with silence. They give the speaker unthreatened, unhurried space in which to operate while communicating.

7) Good listeners understand that everyone has different communication styles, and adjust their listening to correspond to the speaker's communication style. For example, if the speaker is shy, they draw the person out more. If they are talkative, they interject more. Etc. They don't take a "once size fits all" approach to listening.

8) Good listeners interrupt intentionally and gently, rather than habitually and rashly.

9) Good listeners recall their own subjectivity and finitude as a listener. They make evaluations with the humility that corresponds to seeing parts, not the whole. They consider the angle and point of view from which they are listening.

10) Good listeners are willing to listen to something even if it’s hard to hear. They don't stop listening as soon as they become offended or turned off by the speaker. They can receive a rebuke.

11) Good listeners do not unreasonably question the motives of the speaker. They make a good faith assumption that, all other factors being equal, the speaker is trying to communicate clearly and truthfully.

12) Good listeners don't equate listening with agreeing. Good listeners understand that careful listening equips you to disagree well, because by listening you understand more clearly what it is that you disagree with.

13) Good listeners are not simply waiting to talk again when someone else is speaking. They actually value the contributions of other people.

14) Good listeners remember that you can learn from anyone. They realize that human subjectivity and fallenness is such that the most learned person can still learn from a little child.

15) Good listeners love people. They understand that listening is connected to every other aspect of relationships. They understand that there is simply no substitute for genuine affection for other people.

"The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere" (James 3:17).

16) Good listeners pay attention to nonverbal communication without discounting verbal communication. They pay attention to the fact that they are paying attention to both nonverbal communication and verbal communication.

17) Good listeners are willing to speak. They don't equate listening with silence. They understand that the speaker may need them to communicate in order to further the conversation.

18) Good listeners understand that every act of communication takes place in a context or setting. They consider the way the context of a communication event shapes the meaning. For example, they understand social dynamics and the way different situations call for different kinds of listening.

19) Good listeners are willing to stop listening to something that is perverse, wicked, or dangerously foolish. They understand that in a fallen world there are some things that are so evil or foolish that they should not even be listened to. They know when to draw the line. They use common sense.

20) Good listeners understand how important listening is to a relationship. They don't assume or underestimate the value of listening; they value and seek to cultivate good listening skills.

The State of Christian Education

Mr. Matthew Tuckey
Administrator (Carlisle Christian Academy, PA)


We find ourselves today in very turbulent times. Our president-elect prepares to assume a historic national debt, a reeling economy, and fragile national security. Our faith faces increased skepticism fueled by divisiveness among believers, conformity to pluralism, and litigation that reaches beyond the separation of church and state to the exclusion of Christianity among reason. Among the entanglement of our world, we have hope. As I type this, Jack Bauer has returned and redemption is to be found in another twenty-four hours!

Our educational system also faces a turning point. The system is failing as measured by most national and international benchmarks. Money isn’t the issue as per student expenditures continue to rise with assessments failing to follow the upward trend. Many studies show high school graduates in the United States ill prepared to successfully engage in a global marketplace. This isn’t an insult to the many fine, qualified professionals in public education. Some of my closest friends are in public education, and I respect them greatly. The incompetency of public education is not because of the individuals involved, but rather it is due to a broken system. Increased bureaucracy or even more public money has not and will not bring resolution. This is why, for the first time in memory, we had presidential candidates calling for the dissolution of the Department of Education. It’s too heavy and is sinking under the weight of itself.

At the same time, the “product” of Christian education has also seemingly become less desirable as measured by overall enrollment. The perception of what Christian education entails varies greatly, and the spiraling economy makes discretionary money more difficult to cultivate. These two factors, among others, have contributed to an average decrease in enrollment of 12% in Pennsylvania in Christian schools over the past five years. In most markets, select Christian schools thrive, while the majority face downsizing.

In contrast, alternative educational options are skyrocketing. Home schooling is becoming more organized, supported, networked, and in turn more prevalent. Cyberschool and other distance learning formats are becoming more widespread.

So what does this mean? It’s my belief that the free market system would be a catalyst for significant, positive changes in the world of education. Even without true educational choice, parents are increasingly dissatisfied with public schooling as their mandated option and are intensively seeking other choices as shown in the expanding alternative education market. Lobbyists for school choice are gaining merit as initiatives across the nation are showing encouraging results.

Where does Christian education find itself in this evolving educational landscape? The aforementioned statistics support a theory that quality, diverse, focused Christian schools are positioned to experience significant growth while schools vying to survive simply because of the “Christian” label that they carry will fail. Parents seek choice, including non-public, religious schools; however, they will not sacrifice quality academics for thinly veiled dogma. The “church school” with a prayerful heart but with unqualified teachers, a loose curriculum, and an unstructured organizational approach will attract only the parents seeking to hide and protect their children from the evils of the world. (Warning: The humanness of the fallen world permeates the walls of these schools as well, so the protectionist mindset will be unsatisfied, leaving these schools to die on the vine).

With 85% of people in the U.S. considering them “Christians,” parents carry that belief forward as they seek educational options wherein their children develop worldview through the lens of faith. Certainly for the devout Christian, an educational option that integrates academics with faith parallels God’s call for parents to train their children in the way of the Lord. In surveys, this option is even attractive for nonpracticing “Christian” parents as they seek a holistic educational choice that incorporates the mind, body, and spirit into the instruction for their child.

It’s my belief that those schools that are able to construct themselves on the fundamental truths of the one true God while providing diverse, quality academics will continue to flourish. This means providing a consistent, moldable curriculum based on clearly stated objectives. This means benchmarking academic offerings against the leading public and non-public schools, adapting what works and remodeling what doesn’t. This means meeting students where they are at in their faith, catering to the student who has known Christ for years while equally supporting the student who is uncommitted or skeptical about a relationship with Jesus. This means tearing down denominational barriers and inviting healthy, intelligent discussion about the Christian faith. This means being authentic and transparent about our faith journeys, showing hearts that seek a dynamic relationship with Jesus as opposed to doctrinal mandates. This means loving, serving, and forgiving in a way that is softening hearts as opposed to force-feeding evangelism that is hardening hearts.

Christian schools were at their heyday in the 1980’s. Enrollments reached peak levels, and new schools opened regularly. We now see a generation that came through these schools making educational choices for their children. Too often, these alumni are apathetic to the difference that Christian school made in their lives or worse, are jaded by the experience. The negativity is due to a myriad of reasons, but is most predominantly rooted in legalism and hypocrisy.

However, like Jack Bauer, we have a new “24.” As a Christian school, we have a new opportunity to define ourselves, not by what the world calls for but by what God calls us to be. At Carlisle Christian Academy, we believe that we are called to be an educational community that seeks to know, love, and serve God. We believe that we are to pursue excellence, trying to serve our students more effectively and more efficiently tomorrow than we did today. We believe that separating academic knowledge and spiritual truth is ineffective as they are not mutually exclusive. We believe that God has called us individually to be at this school to collectively learn and grow in and through Him. We will attempt to walk alongside parents as they work to train their children up in the way that they should go. I believe that in our new “24,” parents will continue to see the inherent value in this.

So what does this mean for Christian educators worldwide?

• Embrace today like you first did when you felt God’s call to this vocation.
• Teach with passion.
• Work with parents to support their children.
• Go deeper into the student world to find what might motivate them.
• Be open to let God change and transform you so that you might have a greater impact on the impressionable lives of your students.
• Think of the most difficult parent, student, and co-worker and consider how you might change yourself or your approach to strengthen those relationships.
• Forgive instead of judge.
• Be real instead of pretending.
• Commit or recommit to being completely disposable to God in allowing Him to make your school place a true “city on a hill,” a light in your community that cannot be hidden.

A Principal's Joy

Dan Beerens
Vice President for Learning Services, Christian Schools International
Originally published on Nurturing Faith (January 16, 2009)


As a Christian school principal what is the most valuable thing for me to do in my day? I believe that principals have one of the toughest jobs going, balancing many needs, wearing many hats, and if really effective, doing the tough things of leadership as opposed to avoiding conflict and just reacting to daily fires. Given the fact that there are limited hours in the day, what is the most effective way for principals to allocate their time? This was a question I pondered each day of my eleven years as a building principal and over my 28 years in education.

I will admit that I have changed my mind on the answer to this question over the course of my career. One certainly could argue that the answer might be dealing with students, keeping parents or boards happy, raising money, or doing teacher observations. Yet, I believe that if I had to sum it up I would say it this way: The best use of time and the greatest joy of a Christian school principal is . . .

Encouraging the encouragers to nurture faith in students.

In a Christian school it is all about nurturing faith – it is why a Christian school exists. If the education delivered in a Christian school is not challenging students to see God in all things then it may as well close its doors and give up on its mission.

How is faith nurtured in students? A principal must encourage his/her teachers to pay close attention to, and assist them in, three areas:

Curriculum – how am I helping my students see God through the study of this subject? How do we see brokenness and redemption in this discipline? What is God’s intention for this aspect of his created order? How might we be a part of his plan to restore it?

Classroom – how am I modeling faith and how do my pedagogical practices encourage faith in students?

Community – is my classroom modeling Christ’s law of loving God and loving neighbors? How am I contributing to the professional community in my school? How is our school impacting our community?

The job of the principal is to be the chief carrier of the mission and vision of the school, and if he/she focuses on the three areas listed above they will be on the path to greater distinctiveness in meeting the mission and vision of their Christian school.

Now to unpack the first part of that statement “encouraging the encouragers.” The primary task of the principal is to encourage the teachers who are encouraging the students in faith encouraging learning. Teaching is a complex endeavor, one that leads to much second-guessing on the part of conscientious and sensitive teachers - likely those on your staff who are doing the best jobs already with kids. The more complex the work, the more room there is for discouragement by the teacher and the more need there is for encouragement by the principal. The effects of encouragement have been well documented in business literature by authors such as DePree and Welch. Goleman in his book, Working with Emotional Intelligence, reminds us through his citation of multiple studies that the leaders who are most effective are those who are warm, encouraging, and genuinely care for their followers. Management consultant Kevin Cashman suggests a ratio of 5 “praises” to 1 “criticism” in our interactions with those we supervise. Throughout Jesus’ ministry, his words of grace allowed others to be liberated to try again and created the ultimate environments of grace in which people could flourish.

It is the Christian school principal’s special joy to be an agent of encouragement to those who encourage and nurture faith in students.

Effective Ministry Leadership

Dr. James Jeffery
President, Baptist Bible College

This article was orignially printed in the Spring 2005 edition of the MACSA Bridge. Dr. Jeffery was the keynote speaker at the November 2004 MACSA Convention.

Our mission at Baptist Bible College, Graduate School, and Seminary is to provide excellence in biblical education for effectiveness in ministry leadership. The needs of the local church and those it partners with as it fulfills its mission on Christ’s behalf in a broken world demand the right kind of leaders. They must be Christ-centered, Spirit-empowered, servant leaders who stand ready to take their places according to God’s call. They are able to influence others toward God’s purposes.

What are the characteristics of these leaders?

Convictions
Effective ministry leaders are the result of theological formation. They have put deep roots down into the soil of the Word of God. Because of this, they know what they believe and why they believe it.

Commitment
Spiritual formation shapes leaders to be committed to the lordship of Christ over all of life. These leaders are committed to Christ’s cause in the Great Commission and the local church as the center of God’s program on Earth.

Character
Leaders must earn the trust and respect of those they influence. That comes from being conformed to Christ as the fruit of the Spirit is developed on the vine of character. Who we are inside determines what we do in ministry.

Competencies
Effective ministry leaders develop leadership, specific ministry, and personal competencies to be effective. The Book of Nehemiah gives an outstanding example of leadership competencies. Nehemiah was unwilling to accept the status quo of the broken-down wall. He inspired a shared vision, mobilized people to team up, encouraged the people, and set the example.

Capacities
No two servants of Christ are the same. As we follow Christ, He shapes us individually to become effective leaders. That comes from knowing yourself as you discover the way God has designed you for ministry with your gifts, personality, and experience. It also comes from growing through lifelong learning and mentoring.

As these five "C's" are integrated into every aspect of life and ministry, we will be effective in carrying out the Great Commission of Acts 1:8.